Don’t let them go ahead of you. Ask yourself,is that my doing? Some are like drugs, they think for you and their thoughts are more fucked up. You fear a snake, i fear a human being. Snakes are predictable a human being can blind you. Brainwash you and watch you drown then call everyone to watch your stupidy.
Don’t allow yourself to play the victim, you fool. Open up and own up to your foolishness Address the foolishness, only then can you save yourself. Some of us die watching ourselves. Let your story write itself,don’t allow anyone else to star in your story.
Be a star baby, let them live their life Live yours and accept that which you cant change. Love yourself for even the saints are fucked up too Let your heart be hurt for it will be stronger and it will leave you wiser. Evaluate yourself and pray for wisdom.
Today is Wednesday, am not sure i knew how it would turn out neither did i care. All i care about is i die happy and content. I live like no one had expectations from me because this expectations take me from myself. I still listen to trippy music just as i still go to church. Am confused most will say. This new confusion makes me happy unlike previously where i was overconfident and lived to peoples expectations and still didn’t satisfy them. Sadder i got and depressed.
I single handedly killed all the small gods i had made, all the moms i had made to replace my mom, all the siblings i created to make me not feel lonely. I had to face that ghost by myself. I figured it was stupid of me. I don’t expect anything from anyone, however i don’t mind surprises. Its living life like i should have. I still fall in love and out of love only now that i don’t share with just anyone. You ask why? we human beings are fucked up and i’ve learnt that the hard way.
I’ve found love in strangers and they ended up being the greatest friends and confidants i could ever have. Even if it was for two or three hours. I’ve learnt that in life you have to let go of the page you’ve read so that you can open up a new one. When you open a new one the story becomes really interesting and you just cant seem to wait till the next page then the next chapter. That’s my life. There is always something to be cautious about,curious about,looking forward to,happy about and brabrashit!!! Ive mastered this art and hence am barely caught off guard.
Ill not advise anyone. I still haven’t figured my shit out. I know what i want but before then i don’t want to pressure myself to the point where am loosing the small detail of life. To be happy and die happy. I don’t know when ill die but for sure i don’t even care. Even if it was tomorrow. Ill still be glad as long as i lived a happy life
Remember to live your life & Be happy…..
If you look at me you’ll probably think am the happiest guy on earth and i don’t have problems at all. This is because i have always overlooked my problems and i know a smile will take me a while far.
My playlist depicts a very sad kid and lonely and indeed this are the ghosts i’ve always fought. Previously i did not know how to handle my sadness and loneliness. It has indeed been a journey. I thought that id find the solution with my family but they could only solve them in doses. Friends; am sure you know what am going to say. You probably have had your fare share of drama with friends. Not gonna share details,we’ll save that for another day. Alcohol,weed, running away from home so much so.
Going through all this i thought i was the most disadvantaged kid on the planet. Remember i was also tackling relationships and that didn’t spare me from falling in love and having my hear broken. All this i look back and think to myself, It made me a very strong person. It made me sane and more aware of myself.
During this time as i got darker my music increased in its sophistication, depth and emotion. Only a few will get what i mean by that. As i drown in sadness i also drowned in music. Id put my earphones on and sleep to the best music ever. I went from hard rock to metal to rock to hiphop to rnb to jazz to neo-soul to any artist who depicts darkness and weirdness. Weird right?
This made me numb to my problems and made me be hopeful. Its that simple or not. Now i have a therapy that i don’t pay, and she has been the most loyal person. Her name is my playlist.
You shall not judge me for over blogging about XXXTENTACION. Just after reading the lyrics to revenge i couldnt help but want to share…
Here we go…..
I think I, I think I finally found a way to forgive myself From mistakes I made in my past I think that’s the first step, right? You agree? [Verse] I’ve dug two graves for us, my dear Can’t pretend that I was perfect, leaving you in fear Oh man, what a world, the things I hear If I could act on my revenge, then, oh, would I? Some kill, some steal, some break your heart And you thought that I would let it go and let you walk Broken hearts, break bones, so break up fast And I don’t wanna let it go, so in my grave I’ll rot I’ve dug two graves for us, my dear Can’t pretend that I was perfect, leaving you in fear Oh man, what a world, the things I hear If I could act on my revenge, then, oh, would I? Some kill, some steal, some break your heart And you thought that I would let it go and let you walk Broken hearts, break bones, so break up fast And I don’t wanna let it go, so in my grave I’ll rot [Outro] In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot In my grave, I’ll rot I’ll rot, I’ll rot, I’ll rot Is my pain your freedom? Is all of my pain your freedom?